Insight From Nintendo’s Corporate Suggestion Box

       by, Mark Hale Jr.

Can I get a new uniform PLEASE?!? - Mario

Self-help seminars on avoiding edges - Green Koopa

Casual fridays.  Harsher punishments for sexual harassment and kidnapping - Zelda Peach Daisy and Rosalina

Bring back speech therapy - Link

a;kkjaisdjgeooiawn;xlkja;goiwjetr - Donkey Kong (Via e-mail we think)

I don’t know who’s doing it; but SOMEONE keeps moving my items.  I had to go down four floors to the mail room just to break into a vent and climb my way back up to accounting.  I could’ve avoided all of it if someone hadn’t “misplaced” the beam I needed to open the door! - Samus

Gimme back my damn plane!!! - Fox

… - Olimar

Why only one lunch break?!? - Kirby

More maps.  More colors.  More shared benefits for my partner and I. - Tingle

Seriously!  STOP MOVING MY ITEMS!!!  We only get three minutes for bathroom breaks and I do NOT want to spend it looking for the freaking bomb upgrade to blow the hatch on the bathroom!  Also QUIT PUTTING HATCHES ON THE BATHROOM! - Samus

Make a game all about Nazis.  Make them the good guys and take over the world - That new blue spiky-haired intern

Someone was in my parking space.  I’m not sure who it was but tell them to look for the smoldering flames where their car was. - Capt. Falcon

Can we do something about all the pokemon running around here?!?  The blackout was bad enough; but I gotta draw the line when my desk is set on fire and I am unable to do anything about because my mind has just been blanked by a freaking psychic! - Greg in HR (Found in the trash)

[Nintendo of America Number 1!  Super happy fun working with great American team!  No complaint here!  Keep up the good work and I make awesome fight with sword!] - Marth (loosely translated)

I’ve tried to be civil I really have.  I’ve turned the other cheek countless times and people still aren’t paying me ANY respect.  So this is a last warning: touch my stuff one more time and I will bring the dark reckoning of a woman scorn down on all of your heads.  You will all rue the day you crossed me.  Just know that should you all decide to provoke me further I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!  On a lighter note: great job to the company softball team on their win last night over Bungie. - Samus

I could use a hand in the daycare.  Taking care of all these kids is starting to wear down on me - Yoshi

I’ll be back - Found on a post-it attached to Samus suit after security escorted her out.

Stop giving out doctorates to people who haven’t earned them!  I’m still working on Mario’s malpractice suit! - Phoenix Wright

More NickToons games!!! - Every stupid 8 year-old ever